Facts on Self-Esteem
Sunday, May 17, 2009
1. The Blending of Self-Esteem, Self-Worth and Self-Love
Most of what is considered self-esteem develops in childhood. Self-esteem comes from being validated and receiving affirmation that you have worth and you gain self-esteem as you learn to manipulate within the world. From those feelings, you build competency. Self-esteem is a critical aspect of self-development and the more independent and competent you become, the greater the self-esteem. Your self-worth develops out of a sense of self-regard and as you interact in the world, you receive responses or feedback, most of which is conditional. Self-esteem develops out of our ability to assess ourselves and accept and value ourselves as having worth. Self-love is the ability to recognize that you are worthy of love not for what you do, but because of who you are; all human beings are worthy of love. Loving ourselves for all our strengths as well as weaknesses gives us the building blocks for self-esteem and self-worth.
2. Developing Self-Esteem
Loving ourselves with all our imperfections can be difficult. Self-esteem can be easier than self-love, because if you find something you are good at you can hide the fact that perhaps you don't love yourself. It's possible to know that you are good at several things and still not truly love yourself. Self-esteem develops as you learn to trust and believe in yourself. Respecting and recognizing you have value as a human being and are worthy of love will bring you deep self-esteem. Finding your voice to express your thoughts and feelings will help you develop self-esteem and becoming the authentic person you were meant to be will increase your self-esteem.
3. Help Children Develop Self-Esteem
Give your children realistic limits and boundaries, and appropriate discipline. Teach them that what they think and say is important and give them a voice to express themselves. Model respect in your family and expect and give respect to your children. Openly give children attention and affection; hug them on a daily basis. It's important to show them how to behave in a trustworthy manner and let them know when their behavior is trustworthy. Praise them openly when they accomplish or reach a goal and always encourage them to be successful and find something they are passionate about. Continue to support them as they grow and develop and above all, love them for all their strengths as well as weaknesses. Accept them for being a unique individual.
4. Attacks of Self-Esteem
Angry words or actions that undermine your sense of self attacks your self-esteem as well as a lack of love and support. Being disciplined with fear rather than love also devalues your self-esteem. Other ways to destroy self-esteem are learning to feel unworthy and being told you are worthless, having an expectation that you must be perfect to earn love or experiencing neglect and abuse can teach you that you are unworthy and have no value. Critical words, sarcasm or ridicule can create low self-esteem where failure with no way to better yourself can damage the spirit and leave you broken for life.
5. Managing Self-Esteem
Setting personal limits and boundaries and protecting them will help you maintain your self-esteem as will not compromising your values. Above all, treating yourself with respect on a daily basis helps you to manage and treasure the gift of self-esteem.
About this Author
Clare Steffen, Ed.D. is a licensed psychologist who offers marriage, family and child/adolescent therapy. As a Naturopath, Steffen performs lifestyle analysis. She has hosted her own radio talk show and has published books and articles on health and wellness topics.
