Self Esteem in Teen

Let's talk about teens between 13 and 18, when they supposedly reach adulthood. If you have children that age, you are probably suffering the consequences of their rebellious attitude. As a high school teacher, I deal with all kinds of teens, from the very shy to the very boisterous, from the combative to the passive, from the "in-your-face" youngster to the "yes-sir" student. As a rule, girls are just as likely to be rebellious, but they the way they show it is usually much more subdued than boys. They also show better social graces than their male counterparts. They all, however, must be handled a certain way if parents hope to obtain a modicum of self-discipline.

What Parents Should Never Do:

1. Scream, shout or yell. The moment you raise your voice, the child will stop listening and put on his mental "armor."

2. Sarcasm and irony. You will only provoke more rebellion and emotional hurt that may very well cause lower self-esteem.

3. Violence. It is sometimes tempting to raise your hand and smack that insolent mouth. Again, the result will be just the opposite of what you would like; plus, the teen will never forget it.

4. Compare and contrast. My father used examples from his own youth to try and teach me discipline. My situation and times were completely different from his and his "lessons from the past" never made the slightest impact.

5. False Role Models. What teen won't think "liar and phony" when his mother tells him not to lie, even though she has instructed him to lie to other people in the past? Before you exclaim "not me, I don't do this," think back about the many occasions in which you used a "white" lie to get out of an unwanted party or meeting. A lie is always a lie for an idealistic teenager who has trouble distinguishing the gray areas.

Discipline Techniques Parents Should Use

1. Sit down one-on-one with the child in an isolated area (no one else present) and discuss the problem in a well-balanced manner, giving him or her opportunity to explain. Make sure you listen very carefully and weigh the pros and cons before reaching a decision. Any appearance of injustice will provoke the most powerful reaction. Teens see only black and white, no grays. Their sense of justice is what we'd like to see in our much older judges and juries.

2. Never miss the chance to explain why Rosie can't go out with her friends at night. Be brutally honest about drugs and sex, two of the main dangers for a teen. Even if Rosie cries and throws a fit, don't give in and keep explaining with a measured voice that you have a serious responsibility toward her.

3. Cell phones are ubiquitous in teen hands. We have tried to control the plethora of electronics in our school with little success. We do however get good results when we take them away for a day or two if they use them in class. Parents have a good opportunity to apply effective punishment by confiscating the cell phone, MP3 or whatever they are using. Again, without raising your voice, explain that they'll get them back when they raise their grades or show more discipline. Teens understand very well that they have to pay the piper when they misbehave.

4. Set firm rules and stick to them no matter what. Teens, as mentioned above, see everything in black and white. If you bend a rule, they'll jump on it like a horde of hungry lawyers and make you suffer. These rules must be the same for all your children. "Why did my sister get away with it?" is not something you want to respond to.

5. Never set the bar too high. If you expect too much out of them they'll feel frustrated because they won't be able to do it. I met a parent who was upset with her son because he had received a 90 (A-) in physics when she wanted him to get 100 (A). The kid felt like a failure even though he had finished among the top 5 students.

The 3 Golden Rules:

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Born in Switzerland many years ago and now living in Brownsville, Tx, where I teach special education in a local high school. I love my job and the challenges involved in making a difference for so many bright kids who struggle to overcome their disabilities. I have followed education topics and international politics for the past 25 years and have lived in Europe and Latin America before settling in the U.S. My e-mail: rivera.jcs@gmail.com My blog: http://rivera2007.freeblogit.com

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